Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Can We Please Make Out Now?


I recently met up for pizza and booze with another transplanted Americano and a Kiwi who had lived abroad and visited the states annually for nearly 10 years. We chatted about polite subjects until the third beer, then The Question that all Americans are tremendously confused about came up, as it always does when I'm around newly minted expats: Why is there no dating culture in New Zealand?

The usual mating tactics of the native Kiwi largely consist of meeting someone they find attractive while out with their respective group of pals, gettin' crunk, and then half assedly making out in the toilets (or preferably in a bedroom if they're attending a house party). How uncouth! I mean, seriously? This is the Best you've come up with while Western civilization funds movie theatres, restaurants, mini golf, and bowling alleys with their mating habits? Generally six weeks after said drunken groping, someone mumbles or texts something along the lines of 'i like u. u r kewl & I wnt 2 b yr BF.' A very funny Kiwi I met last week said that it was more like 'i am l8 & yr a daddy.'

On the flip side I've heard horror stories of well meaning and vaguely honorable Yankee lads approaching Kiwi women with a smile and a drink offer only to be smirked at and given the cold shoulder. Quite frankly, if your friends and their friends aren't there to supervise then you're stuffed. I think Kiwis are used to a slower, less full on approach, and it's the slower approach that I've grown used to over the last 8 odd years- I totally find American dudes uncouth with their forwardness every time I visit.*

We may both enjoy Subway and Flight of the Conchords, but it doesn't mean that our cultures are so easily similar. In fact, I would say that the biggest difference between New Zealand and America is how personal relationships tend to develop. Kiwis are more guarded with their feelings, so a larger social setting suits them better and since NZ is a fairly petite place you have a wider berth of older friends around you that you grew up with to help instigate that. Americans are more keen to get to know someone faster and therefore prefer more one on one time before friends are brought in for introductions. A date is a period of time when you get to nervously hang out and try to find out as much as you can about this person who has given you solid proof that they think you're a hottie. It's greyer in NZ, and largely without as much structure. But all that said- both countries have a lot of married couples so both systems work, just very differently.

If only this post existed 8 years ago when I first moved here! Take note, if anyone you know is about to embark to and/or from NZ to the States please pass this along. Unless they're not single, then don't.

*For the record, I snagged my partner at a gig by yelling 'WANNA DATE?!' in his ear. He found this charming and has luckily kept me around for 4 years.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Pancakes & Puddin'

I don't know about the rules in your household, but right now we are the Carb Capital of Auckland since winter has set in. The weather's gone right wackadoo. First with tornadoes and now with rain so ridonkulous it doesn't seem worth it to get out of one's jammy jams. As I am a part time lady of leisure I rarely have to worry about such menial difficulties as dealing with nature's cruel precipitation.

Instead, I have been filling my days with finding excuses to create more carb filled substances, preferably containing butter, sugar, and sometimes chocolate. Go ahead and live vicariously through me, don't be shy! In the last 24 hours I've managed to get knee deep in pancakes and attempted to somewhat bake a pudding. I wasn't too familiar with what a pudding exactly was since it's not a common dessert found on American menus, but this seemed insignificant. It wasn't. In fact, it led to a lot of issues concerning how the pudding should look once properly baked. Needless to say I overdid the hell out of it. Luckily there was a lot of chocolate and butter in the recipe so it still tastes nice.

As half the audience hails from a commonwealth country and the other half have Wal Mart, I will explain this dish to Team Wal Mart: a pudding is sort of like a cake that comes with its own gooey sauce. It's very delicious! You should try it if you see it on a menu some time, you will not regret it if you like food.

There are a few other things that are sort of okay about winter. You listen to different records, eat more root based vegetables, have that extra mug of Milo,* watch more films at home, spend full nights spent reading under a blanket, and we usually have a couple scented candles lit around the house at night. Here's a smattering of what I've been enjoying:

1- Hurts - 'Happiness' These Brits have come up with one of the best cold weather records ever, it simply shines at a late hour with a torrential downpour outside. If you adore Depeche Mode's 'Violator,' then get this record ASAP.

2- Carbtastic! Yes yes, we've had roasted veggies galore the past few weeks. Guilty as charged, we've started making roasted veggie sandwiches with crusty fennel foccacia and Parmesan (with a healthy dollop of pesto & aioli)

3- Fables. I generally use this comic as a recommendation to all my pals new to comics, it's epic! I recently purchased 9 soft covers off a jet setting friend so I've finally gotten down to brass tacks and have managed to reread the first odd 8 years of it during the past week. The story follows a crew of characters from traditional fairy tales (Snow White, Rose Red, Sleeping Beauty) living in contemporary New York. It's funnier and a touch sweeter than Sandman.

4- Glade Hawaiian Breeze Candles. Don't knock it. Our house smells like Pineapples, Mangoes, and Vacation.

*Yet another commonwealth commonality, it's like hot chocolate except it's billed as a 'sports drink' since it has a chunk of iron and other elements of HEALTH steeped in it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Move it or lose it.


Dear Readers,

What a week. What a mother truckin' week. Blogger's been on the fritz and my brain is banana oatmeal from 3 overnight shifts. I went out last night and was a human cadaver for about half the conversation. True Story.

OK. I feel better now, which leads us to the first and only topic of this post: Motivation. At this very moment, I only have a smidgen. To combat this, I am listening to Aretha Franklin. She inspires excessive Motivation and Effort for me. I hear her voice and it seems like a great idea to do 4 loads of laundry and clean the shower. Is this a kumbaya love everybody, work hard, and succeed kind of post? Hells no. Everyone needs incentives-! Even hippies. I often feel highly Motivated to save money, but only on certain things. Here they are:

1. Food. I like it. It likes me. I will go to great awkward lengths to get good food! I will go to restaurants that have self esteem shattering customer service for nice cake! I will hand over expired coupons, vouchers, coffee cards, and credit notes in the hopes of acquiring a half priced treat. I will argue over that loophole in a menu to save a dollar, as it would be cheaper to separately order the creamed mushrooms and the toast instead of the creamed mushroom toast.* However, thanks to our stinky economy, it's fashionable to be cheap! Check out the plethora of daily deals that have sprung up all over NZ.

2. Travel. I won't enjoy the trip unless I know for an absolute fact that I got the Best Deal of the Year. Our last trip to Melbourne was legen- wait for it - DARY! We got flights for free with our hotel package. Did it make an entire year's worth of spammy weekly emails from House of Travel worth it? Totally! Keep an eye or two on Flight Centre, House of Travel, Webjet and you too can brag about how you practically got paid to go on your holiday.

3. Books. Around a year and a half ago I realized that there were a lot of books that were coming out that I wanted to read that either the library didn't have (and wouldn't get in for ages) or the waiting list was 1500 people deep. My previous post was obviously extolling the wonderous virtues of Mighty Ape but they're certainly not the only online retailer out there. Any time I read Entertainment Weekly's book review website and find something that sounds particularly fantastic then I check out (in order) Mighty Ape, The Nile, Real Groovy, and then Warehouse. Don't expect the kind of impressive service you might get from non-virtual bookshops like Unity (new books) or Jason's (used), but if you already know what you want then save yourself 20-40% and go online.

* True story. The menu has changed since my last visit wherein I pointed this out to the mystified staff, evidently no one had tried it out before.

Friday, May 6, 2011

It's Not Who You Are, It's What You Like.



5 Books I'd Take on a Deserted Island

You'll probably note the excessive (yet informative!) use of links in this entry which I'd prefer to gently explain. Every so often I order all different types of stuff off of The Mighty Ape, it's an online shop based on the North Shore in Auckland. Unlike most places in NZ, it offers very decently priced books and vinyl. I use them because they are cheap, fast, and friendly. Also, I won two free passes to see Terry Pratchett's talk off their twitter competition. They made me a WINNER! If Mighty Ape carries a mentioned item, I've put up the cheapest priced link where you can find it.

ONWARDS-!

1. 100 Food Experiences to Have Before You Die by Stephen Downes

This is my favourite book of all time, and I'm not ashamed to post it for all to see. His list ranges from tremendously complex dishes to a simple piece of fruit, each entry carefully constructed to give a full background and understanding of just WHY Properly Cooked Chips are worth the effort. He includes the full run down of the 100 Dishes, including his own history with said dish which leaves you heady from the descriptions of how each has the possibility of changing your existence. Case in point: I've been pescetarian for 11 years, but his writing on Coq Au Vin makes me seriously question my beliefs.

2. The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis

This book would serve as a vital reminder of what a pain in the ass it is to deal with fictionally awful and dramatic teens. If I'm on this island by myself then I'd like to think that people are over rated and this book would be a huge help. All that aside, it's a terrific book with extraordinarily fast paced, clever, and delicious plot. Teen drama done right by Uncle Bret. PS- Click link on his name to gander at his delightfully bitchy twitter account.

3. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner (Their podcast on itunes is ranked #1)

Some people really hate this book or get bored with it. I've surmised that they must just be simply hateful towards books or boring people. Jokes! Jokes! Ho ho. Human behaviour in economics is a fancy pants and lucrative subject, what with Malcom Gladwell on the loose, et al. However, I am a total sucker for these hip academic types. This book's topics range from how to utilize your real estate agent to their full potential to how cheating works in Sumo wrestling (and public school systems). Reading about what makes people tick and what incentives work fascinates me; you're getting down to the brass tacks of basic principles. Namely, stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with logic and everything to do with re-adjusting how you think people will react. Their podcast is perfect for a workout or a long car trip, you should download a few (they're free) and give the two Ste(ph)vens a go.

4. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace

Wallace's greatest gift as a writer was his uncanny ability to make you snort through your nose with laughter at one line, then continue onwards with that hilarity, steadily building to a fever pitch for the next 20 odd pages. This book is a fine collection of his magazine articles and essays which (in my opinion) better demonstrated his super mutant writing and storytelling powers. The essays are wildly varied, which makes them even more tasty: his time as a tennis player in Illinois, the time he got sent on a cruise by a magazine, the afternoon he got to spend on the set of David Lynch's 'Lost Highway' and cursed out one of the picture's main actors in the footnotes, you get the point.

5. The Brooklyn Follies by Paul Auster

I find it a little hard to articulate how I love this book, especially as it's part of a very staggering list of well written works that Auster has produced. However, I can say this, if you're familiar with his other, textured and curious works then this book stands out for it's softness and nearly wholesome demeanor. While it's been a long time since I've read The Brooklyn Follies, it still stands out in our large collection of his work. It's conversational and not doggedly political or analytic or mysterious or many of the other tropes that wind together Auster's various books. I find that I have to be in a certain mood to read Auster's other works, but I always feel very open to rereading this book again.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

How Bette Davis Can Work For YOU.



Hey.

When's the last time you watched a movie with two women in it, both with proper names, who talk to one another about something other than a man? This is the Bechdel Test, turned up a notch.

A couple weeks ago I watched Now, Voyager for the first time. You know how there have been oodles of studies to prove that reading women's magazines kills your self esteem? Well, watching movies with Katharine Hepburn and Bette Davis does the exact opposite. I swear, some of those films even raise your IQ points.

Do you know anything about Katharine Hepburn? If not, you should. She wasn't someone who'd sit around mopin' over some fella, I can tell you that. If there's one thing that never fails to light a fire under your ass, it's read the autobiography of a lady who manned up* and decided to become the Awesomest Movie Star Ever. My jaw drops every time I learn more about the dames of the 30s and 40s. The kind that got the cutting lines, looked stunning, had voices that did not apologize, portrayed complex women, and looked like they were having a blast while doing all the above.

THUS!- if you're feeling blue, or just feel frustrated about Irin Carmon's latest case on Jezebel against stupid sexism in music, citing Ellen Willis, check out Now, Voyager or All About Eve or The Philadelphia Story.

* This is meant ironically.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Helpful, that's what I am.

Yesterday @dlishblog (the who's who of Auckland blog cuisine) and I got into a twitter frenzy over the best places to eat in Auckland*. We also discussed how this can prove difficult when you have proverbial moths flying out of your wallet. All done & said, we listed a few mutual places that makes our tummies happy and our wallets happier.

Here they be:

1. Ima Bistro, 57 Fort St, Central City (09 300 7252)

Their mains are pricey since the food is out of this world great, but their vegetarian Mezze plate is a cool $26 clams and feeds two comfortably, especially with a little extra homemade pita bread. The platter consists of some wonderous tapas that taste homemade and undeniably high quality. Try this instead of that subpar $13 foodcourt curry the next time you're moping around that end of town.

2.  Archie's Pizza, 61 Davis Crescent, Newmarket, (09 523 5111)

As a transplanted Americano, I have an ongoing and undying loyalty to pizza. There are two pizza places on this list and both are just stunning as well as a total value for money. Archie's is a bit pricey for dinner but their $12 lunch special is right on par. The ingredients they use for their pizzas are top notch and the size is more than enough to fill your tank.

3. That's Amore, 42 High Street, Level 2 Metropolis Building (09 302 0646) around the corner from Wagamama, up the escalator by the fountain

I can't recommend this place more, I just cannot. Their dough stands up to NYC pizza and roughs it up (a little). Their regular size pizzas feed two pizza crazy folks ($10 for vegan style-$32 for all out meat extravaganza), but we usually go for a small size and their side salad which is one of the best dishes on the menu- a huge bowl of fresh mescalun mix with pan fried capsicums and stunning balsamic dressing. If you're feeling flush, try inhaling their Sorrentina gnocchi (you can't spend $16 in a better way). Now I'm all hungry.

4. Renkon, 211 Parnell Road/10 Durham Street East/65 Pitt St/2/175 Ponsonby Rd

Anywhere else, for $11 you can't get anything on the level of Renkon. This chain is an institution! I always gravitate to their donburi menu, my partner leaning towards the chicken karaage and I'm usually left with the tough decision of tofu teriyaki or salmon karaage. The service is polite and quick, the food more reliable than taxes or death. I've been a fan for years, but then again, so has everyone else.

5. Sheinkin Cafe 3 Lorne Street, Central City

Oh Sheinkin, you scamp! I just love their bagel sandwiches, and at $9 a pop they're just the right price for a hearty bagel stuffed with either roast veges & a block of creamy feta, mushrooms, or some sort of chicken concoction that my partner always orders. Their eggs and toast is pretty darn snappy, but avoid the beet and fava bean salad at all costs; it was the worst lunch I've eaten in years.

So D'lish also recommended KK in Epsom, they do Malaysian food that is the bee's knees, or so say those glowing reviews, click the link to see what I mean. More than enough to get me out in the rain to give it a go!

Any recommendations? We're looking for the $10-$16 range for lunch or dinner.

* I generally find this habit to be especially irritating for others. Who wants to read a transcript of your conversation? Nobody-!

Monday, May 2, 2011

How-do?

Hello Hello.



I live in Auckland! Where do you live? It is an okay city, I'd give it a 6/10. We have a lot of green parks and lousy public transport. We also have plenty of establishments to eat good food and drink very nice coffee. I freelance in TV in an area that I will never post about since I follow dooce.com. Dooce has a lot of advice on that subject (ie. don't get fired by blogging about work, ie. don't get 'dooced').

The photo above is not from Auckland. We can't have nice things like floor pianos. Nup! It was taken in a magical city where they have lots and lots of nice things: NYC. I put it in to lighten things up, it's colourful.

Other things that are funny: Pop culture, comics, and tv (the sort I watch and do not create).

Now this post will end. Bleep.